Revolution, wars, rape, brutality, intrigue: 1980s romance novels were not for the faint-of-heart

"Revolution, wars, rape, brutality, intrigue, it was difficult to put the book down."

S-----, Goodreads reviewer.                     

    The year was 1983, and I picked up my first romance novel from a rotating wire rack near the check-out lane at Aldi. It was Highland Velvet by Jude Devereau, and while not the book reviewed above, the description is actually pretty spot on for Devereau's Velvet series.  

    I was 14 at the time, and loved the book despite a domineering, jealous hero who forces his bride (whom he's just met) to wear a different wedding dress, spanks her (and not the sexy kind), and beats her dog (who understandably doesn't appreciate someone hurting its person), before seducing her, taking her virginity while giving her a mind-blowing orgasm, all in one day, very early in the book.

    The book gets much better, though. The hero grows, overcomes his jealousy, and realizes she's a better leader of her clan than he is. Eventually, he steps into a role not unlike the King's Hand in the world of George R. R. Martin and follows her lead, acts in her stead, ensures her orders and plans are carried out, stuff like that. He remains an aggressive man, but rather like one of Elizabeth I's generals, loyal to his queen. 

    I was well into adulthood before I realized just how fucked up many romances were, and how most of the time, I'd just accepted it all and didn't question the tropes of the time. Later, I was able to recognize the brutality for what it was, not just because I was older and wiser, but also because modern trends in romance had mostly moved away from brutal heroes, which made it easier to recognize just how terrible many 1980s "heroes" and plots really were. 

    But in the 1980s, it was common for books to include:

• Teenaged heroines (most commonly about 17). Seriously, they would have been considered too young for marriage even at the time. It is a myth that women typically married younger than about 20, at least in European households or colonial America.  A quick internet search suggests that other cultures were similar, but that there have always been exceptions where girls married younger.
• Heroes who were about 30, give or take a couple of years.  Nice age difference, huh?
• Paternalistic, controlling heroes who spank their wives, and we're talking domestic abuse here, not kink, and yeah, such abuse probably was realistic in the context of historical romances, but ... gross.
• Drop-dead gorgeous main characters with perfect bodies and intact white teeth. Heroines had tiny waists and flat bellies, slender arms and legs, big boobs, perfect heart-shaped asses. Male characters were just as impossible. They had wide shoulders, narrow hips, good cheekbones, and a thick head of hair. Lots of heroes had dimples and cleft chins, but they all sported heroic-sized penises with excess length and girth. Their chests also rippled with muscle, and only rarely did they have lifestyles that would account for such bodies (medieval romances were an exception - knight-heroes had to train to manage fighting in 50 pounds of armor, and that did tend to build muscle). 
• Sexual assault either by the villain, but foiled by the hero in the nick of time, or by the hero himself. A couple of decades later, I tossed one book aside when the heroine was almost raped for the third time (such lazy writing). I suspect rape was more common historically than it is today (though it's still far too common), but I don't really want to read about sexual violence in my romantic fiction. When I immerse myself in a book, I either become the heroine or she becomes a beloved friend, and it's painful to read about brutalization in either circumstance.  As a trope, sexual assault has thankfully become far rarer.
• Sex trafficking.  I've read several books where the woman was sold into marriage or a harem, and several more where the man kidnapped the woman and forced her into a sexual relationship (and later marriage).
• Forcible seduction.  She doesn't want it or like him, but he -- against her will -- aggressively kisses her, then grabs her butt to pull her in close enough to feel his erection, then she ... is overcome by lust and gives in.  Sexual assault with a happy ending, I guess?  

    Modern romances include heroines who are at least 20, but frequently in their mid-to-late 20s. They are less likely to be perfect and more likely to be quirky scholars, outcasts, or wallflowers. Heroes might still be dictatorial (at first), but are unlikely to assault their lovers. Fewer pure alpha jerks and more true partners and friends.  Heroes still have muscular physiques, though modern authors are slightly better about including training and exercise to account for their six-packs. They also still have hero-sized cocks. Some things never change, I guess?

    The first 80s trope to lose its sexiness was the aggressive-against-her-will kiss, because it actually happened to me, and the reality of it ruined the fantasy. I was 20, he was 18, and after walking me back to my dorm, I unlocked and opened my door. I turned back around to face him and say good night just as he dove toward my face.  It wasn't sexy or romantic; it was kind of scary -- it would have been easy for him to push me into the room, kick the door closed, and then ...? I reflexively shoved him away from me with both hands before his lips touched mine, though it was a close thing.  I'd pushed with enough force that he stumbled back a step, and I saw the surprise cross his stupid, drunken face.  He departed a few minutes later without attempting any further unwanted actions, and I was careful to pick only sober people to walk me home after that.

    Anyway, there was one book that was so egregious that I recognized its terribleness even when I was 15 or 16.  I did finish it, but I was so offended by one scene in particular that I took the unprecedented step of throwing the book away.  Decades went by, and I eventually forgot the title and author or the characters' names. What I did remember included:

• Takes place in the 1700s or maybe 1800s.
• Heroine is a Russian princess smuggled to the USA and raised in secrecy (presumably for her protection, maybe?). She has no idea of her background as she was an infant when smuggled out of Russia. (I now know that is a "lost princess" trope.)
• I think she had blonde hair, and he had black hair, maybe?
• Book cover was a pretty classic bodice-ripper, I think.   
• Hero is a Russian prince (I think?) who comes to the US to fetch her back to Russia.
• Their ship was attacked by pirates in the first half of the book, toward the beginning, I think.
• She is taken prisoner/hostage by the pirates. All the women but her are raped by the pirates, and she is traumatized to the point of incoherence that it will happen to her.
• When the prince rescues her and the surviving members of their party from the pirates, he, um rapes her with a belaying pin to teach her a lesson that rape is survivable, and to “help” her get over the trauma, that she is strong. To quote Resident Alien, "this is some bullshit."
• At some point, they become intimate (in a non-rapey way), but she (I think?) returns to the USA to have their kid, and he has to find her again. That’s when the happily ever after part happens.

    I only rarely thought about the book (maybe every year or two or five), and occasionally I did internet searches to try and identify it, but was never successful until yesterday, when I hit upon asking AI the following question: 

I'm looking for a historical romance book published in the 1980s that features a lost Russian princess. It takes place in the 1700s or 1800s, and it includes an attack by pirates.

    It responded: 

"Based on your description—a historical romance novel published in the 1980s featuring a lost Russian princess, set in the 1700s or 1800s, and including a pirate attack—Yankee Princess by Maggie Osborne appears to be a strong match. Published in 1988, this novel follows Nicole Duchard, a young woman from colonial Boston who discovers her true identity as a Russian princess. During her journey to Russia, her ship is attacked by pirates, leading to a series of adventures involving court intrigue and personal transformation."

    Ding-ding-ding, we have a winner! 

    It was actually first published in 1982, not 1988 as it says above.  You can read the entire AI answer (along with several other suggested possible books) here.  My memory of the cover and the physical descriptions were spot on, though:

Note how she is leaning away from him,
and her arms are behind her, not around his neck.

    From reading the page on Goodreads (and the top review), I had forgotten a bunch of the plot after the pirate attack and its aftermath:

• She was "forced to suffer the degradations and ravages of an auction-block marriage."
• She was a "long-lost, secret royal love child," and her "lineage threatened the throne of Catherine the Great."
• She landed in the midst of bloody serf uprisings and cruel Siberian exiles.

    I also didn't misremember the "for her own good" rape aboard the ship. More than one reviewer obliquely mentioned it, with phrases describing Dimitri as likable, "with the exception of one incident on board the ship."  Another reviewer said, "There are lots of wtf moments."  The quote at the top of this article was also from a review of this book, though I strongly disagree with her four-out-of-five-star rating.  That's all right, though - and I'll try to stop yucking her yum.

    It's worth noting that I don't recall thinking the book was poorly written, exactly. The author's prose must have been decent, or I wouldn't have bothered to finish it. I was more hardcore about finishing books when I was a teen (nowadays, I'm too impatient to waste my time finishing bad books) but bad prose, and scenes not properly leading to the next would have been enough to quit a book even then.

    In the end though, the plot contained too many invisible hypothetical exclamation marks: Secret love child! Catherine the Great and the Imperial court of Russia! Pirates! Auction-block marriage! Serf uprisings! Revolution! Brutality! Intrigue!  

    It's as if the author asked, "What's Going To Happen NEXT?!?"  instead of just, "so, what happens next?" 

    I can forgive a crazy plot (William Goldman did a wonderful job with his 1973 book The Princess Bride, because it was delightfully satirical, funny, and didn't take itself seriously), but I couldn't accept a "hero" that rapes the heroine, and I just couldn't believe that the heroine would forgive him.  Stockholm syndrome aside, how does someone forgive that? 

    And his actions are not heroic; they are violent and perverted. We (rightly) lock people up for doing what he did.

    I know that women do sometimes love men who mistreat them, readily forgiving even the most brutal of treatment, but usually it takes a fair amount of grooming, isolation, and abuse.  But the book doesn't bother with the necessary long-term manipulation that would allow for that forgiveness. He kidnaps her from the only life she's ever known, assaults her, and then they fall in love.  I'd more readily believe she'd ... Stab him in the eye with a fork!  Or slip some poison into his brandy! but that would shorten the story considerably.  In the end, I suppose that grooming, isolation, and abuse just aren't romantic enough.